Debunking 6 Holiday Myths that are Secretly Sabotaging Connection
Debunking 6 Holiday Myths that are Secretly Sabotaging Connection
The holidays are full of myths. Not the cute, twinkly, reindeer kind. The stressful, self-imposed ones that convince us we have to put on a happy face and prove our worth through casseroles, elaborate gifts, and dishonest answers about how we’re really doing.
These myths make us over-commit, overthink, over-plan… and under-connect.
This season, we’re calling them out. Because if we want holidays that feel honest and enjoyable, we have to stop letting made-up expectations steal the moments that actually matter.
Let’s break down the biggest culprits and replace them with something gentler, wiser, and a lot more human.
Myth 1: “Everything has to be perfect.”
Reality:
Perfection kills presence. And the present moment is where all the good connection we long for takes place.
How not to fall for it:
Try a “what actually matters” mantra.
When you burn a side dish, forget a present, or break a family heirloom and feel panic rising, remind yourself:
“Holidays are for spending time with people I love and an over cooked casserole will not take away from that.”
Fill this in with your own mantra.
“The point of the holidays is _(insert mantra)_ and _(whatever you didn’t do 100% perfectly)_ will not mess that up.”
You’re a human, even during the holidays.
Myth 2: “We’re so busy there’s no time for connection.”
Reality:
Not true. You have time, you just need to be creative in how you use it.
Connection doesn’t require more hours, just more intention.
How not to fall for it:
Keep it short if you need to, or linger if you can.
Before the chaos and small talk begin, bundle up for a morning walk. Think of it as a reset. A chance to check in with yourself or with your partner before the day sweeps you away.
And when someone says something especially… ill-advised… at the dinner table, you have full permission to excuse yourself. Step into the bathroom. Take a beat. Text a friend. Laugh instead of implode.
When the day wraps up, give your nervous system ten to fifteen minutes with no stimulation. No phone, no noise.
Stare at your partner, or the ceiling, or a frosty window.
You’ll feel that holiday rush soften in your chest.
Myth 3: “You must feel joyful, grateful, or romantic 24/7.”
Reality:
No one is emotionally consistent in December. Once again, you’re allowed to be human.
How not to fall for it:
Try Mood Mapping:
Pause. Focus on how you’re feeling in that moment and just say “I feel ___.”
A few options:
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Sad
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Tired
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Overwhelmed
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Like an angry 16-year-old
And remember the good feelings, too:
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Happy
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Excited
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Full from a big meal
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Ready for a movie
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Eager for bedtime
Whatever you’re feeling is natural. Share it with your partner, a trusted family member, or a friend who gets you. Then offer them the same patient, non-reactive space in return.
Honesty is intimate. Pretending is not.
Myth 4: “You need a big gesture for it to feel special.”
Reality:
Small gestures are often the sexiest ones.
How not to fall for it:
When a cousin brings up the job your partner hates, or any topic on the family “do not discuss” list, gently change the subject for them. They’ll notice.
Then, rub their back, give them a kiss on the cheek, hold their hand under the table, ask a quick “you okay?
Whatever the scenario in your house may be, these gestures are often the thing someone needs the most. Which means they land the deepest.
A little touch goes a long way.
Myth 5: “We need to power through the holidays.”
Reality:
Nothing sexy or enjoyable about that, is there?
When you bulldoze your way through December, everything gets tense, rushed, and slightly unhinged.
Slow moments help you settle back into yourself and suddenly connection feels possible again.
How not to fall for it:
As backward as it may feel when your to-do list is eight miles long… try enjoying the holiday season a little.
People don’t gather like this every day, and there’s real sweetness in letting yourself join in rather than just trying to survive.
Create your own fun and see who comes along:
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Get out of the house- see a movie!
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Play a card game.
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Pull someone you love into a side conversation you’ll remember later.
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Ditch the christmas carols and put on some better music to shift the vibe.
Choose moments that feel good, not just necessary. Pleasure and connection tends to occur when you’re actually having a decent time.
Myth 6: “I have to attend every holiday party.”
Reality:
You really don't. I promise.
There’s no award for Most Socially Overextended Human.
Forcing yourself to show up everywhere usually leaves you exhausted and pretending you’re enjoying a cheese platter you didn’t want in the first place.
How not to fall for it:
Try this:
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Show up late, or leave early. I grant you full permission.
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Text the friend or family member who always makes you laugh.
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Lock in with one or two people for a meaningful conversation rather than repeating the same small talk ten times.
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Stay home and do something cozy that reconnects you with you.
If you go, great.
If you don’t, also great.
Either way, you get to choose the kind of connection you want. Not the one holiday culture demands.
Let the season be something you participate in, not something that happens to you.
The Truth About Holiday Connection
Connection doesn’t require perfect plans, matching moods, or endless time.
It requires presence. First with yourself, then with the people who matter.
This season, let the holidays be intimate, human, and as enjoyable as they can be. Let it be Common Confidential.
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