How to Sext Without Feeling Cringe

written by Isabel Schley

 

It’s sort of intimidating, isn’t it? 

Typing out a text that's supposed to turn someone on while also sounding really nonchalant and totally chill. Not like you’ve been thinking about it all day and drafting different versions in your notes app. Just me? 

But then you get that burst of courage, and you send it. 

They’re obviously obsessed with it. Suddenly you’re feeling all bold and proud of yourself. As you should. 

 

Okay, first things first. The fact that you’re sending a sext is hot. It's only cringy when you try to talk like a totally different person. There is no need to transform into some mysterious erotic novelist who only speaks in moans and extreme graphic monologues. 

The hottest sexts are rarely the most elaborate. They are the most real. 

They’re usually about things you and your partner have already done… or want to do again.

Don’t over think it. Start with the basics.

Tell them about the scenes already living rent free in your head.
Say what you liked.
Say what you want.

And if you’re staring at your phone thinking, I literally don’t know how to do this without sounding ridiculous… 

We’re gonna walk you through it right now. Use this article as your reference point. Sexting is way too fun to let fear get in the way of it.

Let’s do this. 

 

1. Just send it. 

The most important secret: Sending a sext is already hot. 

So good news! You’re starting at an advantage. 

Start by referencing what you and your partner have already done. 

Keep it simple and try a classic like... “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”

Boom. They know what's on your mind and it's hot that you’re thinking about it. Now, they’re thinking about it. Also hot. 

Sexting doesn’t have to be graphic or overly clever.

Sometimes the sexiest thing you can do is hit send without rewriting it twelve times.

 

2. Write What You Know

The biggest cheat code when it comes to sexting: your memory. 

You don’t need to invent a fantasy from scratch. Unless that's your thing, then by all means!

After you bring up what happened last night, tell them what you liked. "I loved when you..." 

Honesty is erotic. When you tell someone what you like sexually, you will feel more understood. And your partner will feel validated for making you feel good. You'll be building the erotic encyclopedia within your relationship. Learning about each other's pleasure and turn ons is key to ore pleasure.

Then you can do what you like again… and again and again. 

Here are a few examples try filling some of this in with your own experiences:

“I loved what happened on the couch last night”

“I can’t stop thinking about what you did with your hands.”

“I like when you kiss my neck.” 

“You’re so hot.” 

Validation feels good, almost as good as what happened in the bar bathroom last weekend. See what I did there? 

Gas them up a little bit and enjoy making them feel good from a distance. Sex is vulnerable and affirmation can be a big confidence booster, no matter how long you’ve been together. Sexting keeps an erotic conversation happening at all times. 

Once you’ve done a little back and forth hit them with a, “I want to do it again.” 

Works every time. 

 

3. Sexting is Foreplay, Not Pressure

Remember, consent is sexy and sexting is not a contract. 

It does not always have to lead to something later, but does add some flirty fun connection to your day. Whether it leads somewhere later or not, you've awakened the erotic part of your relationship. Keeping that on your mind makes intimate moments more frequent overall. 

Think of it as a little temperature change in your afternoon. The rest is up to you and your partner. No other expectations or pressure. 

Make it hot and heavy or sweet and simple.

“What would you do if you were here right now?.”

Or even, 

“Thinking about you. Can’t wait to see you later.” 

Affectionate, honest, and whatever is true to your connection. 

4. Share a Fantasy 

If you’re feeling good, turned on, and ready for the next step, let them into your brain a little bit. 

You don’t have to drop your deepest secret scenario on a Tuesday at 2pm. 

Start light. Share a day dream you’ve had before. 

Things like getting hot and heavy in a public place, leaving the office early, in the car after dinner, slowing things down, revving things up. 

Maybe you want to repeat last night but try something a little different, or new. 

You’re not reinventing sex, you’re sharing your personal experience with it. Be empowered, make it a conversation. 

“What if we…”
“I keep imagining you…”
“Next time, I want to try…”

In fantasies make you nervous you're probably over thinking it. Fantasy doesn’t have to be super involved. It’s all about sharing where your imagination travels to. That is something you're an expert in. You just have to start noticing.

The point here is not to put on some erotic performance, it’s to invite your partner into what you want. 

This is a great opportunity to get sexually inspired together. Very intimate and very fun. 

 

 

5. Borrow Inspiration (Seriously, do it)

Reading books that turn you on or watching TV that sparks some desire?

Totally fair game. 

Learn something new and share it with your partner. Suggest trying it out in your own way. 

Put on Heated Rivalry, read Aurore, dive into fantasy faerie smut, or whatever playlist gets you going. 

Text them, “This is making me think of you” or even “Will you watch this with me later?” 

Exploring what turns you on with your partner is a great way to understand how each other experiences pleasure. This creates connection, intimacy, and a lot of fun nights together. 

Remember 

Sexting isn’t a performance. It’s a conversation— a sexy one ;). 

Give your desire a voice outside the bedroom and let connection form in the middle of an ordinary day. 

No pressure. If you’re turned on thinking about them, let them know. Change the temperature a bit. 

Don’t overthink it. They’ll probably love it. 

Be bold, trust your intuition, and press send.