Thinking About Therapy? Read This First...

The 101 on Should You Go to Therapy? (For You and Your Relationship)

written by Isabel Schley

At some point, most of us have the thought: Maybe I should talk to someone. Maybe I should get a therapist.

Sometimes that thought is about you. Sometimes it’s about your relationship.

It's not necessarily because everything is on fire and not because something is “wrong.” But just because certain things feel heavier than they need to. Conversations loop. Patterns repeat. Reactions are spicier than we want them to be. Parts of life, or your relationship, feel a little stuck.

Life is layered. Old wounds linger longer than we expect and quietly shape how we show up for ourselves and with the people we love. A past heartbreak might still affect how much you trust your current partner or how much you trust yourself.

Our culture normalizes going to the doctor to take care of our physical health. Taking care of your mental health and emotional well being is just as integral to living a healthy life. 

You might have one big reason.
You might have a handful of small ones.

Either way, making the call to find a therapist can feel daunting.
So let’s talk it through.

Ask Yourself This

You’ve most likely already asked yourself “should I go to therapy?” 

Stay curious with me for a moment and try asking yourself these questions: 

• Do I shut down or become overly reactive during conflict?

• How often do I find myself in situations I don’t want to be in?

• When I picture my dream life, is it the one I’m living?

• Are my past sexual experiences affecting how I connect with my partner?

• How much am I trusting myself?

These aren’t meant to diagnose anything. They’re simply a way to notice what part of you needs more care.

How Therapy Actually Helps

Therapy isn’t about fixing yourself or solving some internal problem. It’s about becoming more of who you already are so you can move through life healthier and more grounded. It's about learning how to become the best version of yourself and the one you want to be.

It offers a safe place to unpack the hard parts and learn how to hold them differently.

When you understand yourself more internally, it changes how you relate outwardly. Confidence settles in. Connection feels easier. Repair becomes possible. Desire has more room to exist and flow.

That’s not just emotional wellness.
That’s intimacy with you.

Therapy For You, For Your Relationship, or Both?

This is a common question, especially when someone feels like they're wanting therapy to support their relationship. So do you do it for yourself or find someone for both of you? Ultimately, therapy is about what you need, which might be help in your relationship. 

We believe that intimacy begins with the self. When you understand yourself well, it opens the door to sharing more with others and learning about them on a deeper level. 

Sometimes that means you seek therapy for you first and then move towards couples counseling. Sometimes it's the other way around. There’s no right or wrong order. However, we do suggest that in your approach you focus on you first so that you can bring your authentic self to the relationship. 

If you want to seek out a professional for couple's counseling be sure to have a conversation with your significant other. Talk about why you want to do this and why it's important to you? Ask them to do this with you. Find out if they want to help find the right person or if they are trusting you to find the right person. Then talk about what you need from each other to evaluate your counseling sessions and be sure you are both feeling good about the experience. 

How to find what you’re really looking for.

Remember, you do NOT have to have all the answers or even know exactly what you’re looking for. 

There are plenty of resources designed to help you sort through options and find support that fits your needs and budget.

As you search, consider:

• Who do you feel most comfortable opening up to?

• Do you have a gender preference?

• Do you want a religious or non-religious approach?

• Are you part of a minority group and are looking for shared lived experience?

• Do you want someone who has a certain expertise?

You might know exactly what you want. Or you might have no idea yet. Both are okay.

Here are a few different types of support you can look into: 

• Coaches often focus on present-day patterns and forward movement

• Counselors tend to support situational or emotional challenges

• Therapists work more deeply with relational dynamics, trauma, and long-term patterns. And there are many types. Addiction therapists, behavioral, trauma, divorce, etc 

Any of these people may be the right fit for you. Don't get too tied to what their title is, but find what suits you. You may also notice overlap in how each person approaches their work. There are amazing coaches out there and some pretty terrible ones. But there also amazing therapists and bad therapists, so focus on just finding what feels good for you.

Some resources we recommend starting with:

• BetterHelp

• Alma

• SonderMind ⸺ Includes psychiatric care. 

• Bark
• Psychology Today

Your Approach Going In

Finding the right therapist is important, but how you show up matters just as much.

You don’t need to walk in with perfectly formed thoughts or the “right” answers. The most supportive approach is an honest one. 

Show up as you are. Curious. Confused. Thoughtful. Ask questions. Change your mind a dozen times. Let yourself explore without needing immediate clarity. 

Therapy is a collaborative space. A place to think out loud, process in real time, and slowly understand yourself more fully. 

There’s no pressure to figure anything out right away. Let it be a process. 

We’re taught to care for our bodies, our routines, and our relationships. Tending to your inner self belongs in that same category.

Therapy is one way of doing that. Not because something is broken, but because you’re invested in how you live, how you love, and how you want to grow. 

If you’ve been considering it, maybe it's time to follow the thought and see where it leads.

Whatever you decide, we’re proud of you for prioritizing you!

Additional Resources:

• Life Notes Podcast - a podcast on the daily thoughts inspiring you to grow
• Daily Empowerment Journal