Not Every Touch Needs to Lead to Sex

Touch Me Just Because

When was the last time you touched your partner just for the pleasure of touching them?

Not as a prelude to sex, or a quick kiss before leaving for work, but with the intention of making them feel really good. 

Physical touch is one of the great pleasures of being in a relationship. We get to have someone whose body we know intimately, whose affection we can reach for, and who can make us feel loved without saying a word. Yet somewhere between busy schedules and the comfortable familiarity of being together, we can forget to make time for touch just to enjoy it.

We love when the night ends with sex, but sometimes the intimacy we're craving looks a little different. 

Sometimes we want to be held, cared for, and given someone's undivided attention without any expectation of what might happen next.

Which brings us to one of our favorite ways to spend an evening together: a really good massage.

Not Every Touch Needs to Lead to Sex

Sex is wonderfully intimate, but it isn't the only way to experience physical intimacy with your partner. In fact, when we begin to associate intimate touch primarily with sex, we can overlook all the other ways our bodies enjoy connecting.

There is a particular pleasure in being touched without an agenda. When you switch your mindset not to anticipate what comes next, you have the freedom to enjoy exactly what's happening. You can relax into the experience, communicate what feels good, and appreciate the intimacy of having someone care for your body.

This can be especially meaningful when you and your partner aren't feeling particularly sexually charged. Maybe you've had an exhausting week, your minds are occupied elsewhere, or you're simply craving affection rather than arousal.

A massage gives you an opportunity to be physically close without asking either person to be in a mood they're not in. Removing that expectation doesn't make the experience any less intimate. In many ways, it allows you to experience a different kind of intimacy altogether.

Of course, a massage might lead to sex, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. But when you approach touch as something worth enjoying in its own right, you open up a whole world of pleasure that doesn't have one specific outcome. 

Your Body Would Like Some Attention, Please

Beyond the romantic appeal, massage offers delightful physical benefits.

We often don't realize how much tension our bodies accumulate throughout the day.

Massage can help relieve muscle tension, ease discomfort, and encourage the body to relax. Gentle, attentive touch can also help reduce feelings of stress, making it easier to transition out of the demands of the day.

And that transition is worth paying attention to.

We recently explored the importance of creating an evening routine that you genuinely look forward to. Part of that process involves finding ways to leave work behind and become more present in your personal life. Massage fits beautifully into that philosophy because it gives both your mind and body something pleasurable to focus on while being very separate from the work day.

Imagine coming home after a particularly long day and having your partner invite you to lie down while they spend twenty minutes working the tension out of your shoulders. Instead of immediately moving on to your next responsibility or collapsing in front of the television, you get to enjoy the feeling of being taken care of.

By the time you get up, the evening may feel a little different.

Getting to Know You, Again 

One of the loveliest things about giving your partner a massage is the opportunity to become curious about their body. 

Even if you've been together for years, there's always more to discover about how someone likes to be touched.

Maybe your partner loves firm pressure across their shoulders but prefers a gentler touch along their back. Perhaps you've never noticed how much tension they carry in their calves, or how quickly they relax when you spend a little extra time massaging their hands.

Learning these things requires that moment of attention and communication that can create a beautiful bridge of connection. Listening to what they enjoy, and how they respond helps you practice communicating about what feels good and what doesn't.

A good massage has surprisingly little to do with brute strength or complicated techniques. As we explored in our previous massage article, the most important skills involve maintaining a comfortable rhythm, using steady pressure, and paying attention to the person receiving your touch.

Engaging in this practice together really does encourage a sense of safety and intimacy.

And if you want to learn a few more tricks about how to make your partner feel really good, we've got you covered.

[Read: You've Got Massage Butter. Now What? — Techniques for Giving a Great Massage →]

Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

We've been talking quite a bit lately about the difference between romanticizing and sensualizing your life.

Romanticizing encourages us to see the beauty in our everyday experiences, while sensualizing invites us to actually feel those experiences.

Massage is a wonderful opportunity to practice the latter.

When someone is massaging you, your attention naturally begins to shift away from the mental and into the physical. When our focus shifts to our bodies, we are able to notice the gradual release of tension and become more in tune with what we need. Then we get to share that with someone. 

Put your phones away, make yourselves comfortable, use a generous amount of Massage Butter, and just absolutely sink into the moment.

Our Common Confidential Massage Butter was created for exactly this kind of intimate, full-body care, giving you a lovely excuse to spend a little more time exploring each other's bodies.

The beauty of this kind of sensuality is that it's for any and every day. No elaborate or special occasion required. You get to engage in physical pleasure and connection together on an otherwise ordinary Tuesday evening.

Just Because It Feels Good

For all the physical benefits and opportunities for emotional connection, there's one very compelling reason to massage your partner that deserves a little more recognition.

It feels really good.

And that's enough reason. Being touched with care and attention is pleasurable, and sharing that pleasure with someone you love is one of the wonderful things about being in a relationship.

We don't always need a deeper reason to enjoy each other's bodies, and every intimate moment doesn't have to act as an opportunity for sex.

So the next time you're spending an evening together, consider offering your partner a massage simply because you know they'll enjoy it. Take your time, pay attention to what feels good, and let yourselves enjoy the experience without anticipating what comes next.

Sometimes the most intimate thing you can do is make someone feel wonderful and ask for absolutely nothing in return.