Let’s Choose Ethical Porn

When it comes to watching porn, there are two sides of the screen. The people on it and the people watching it. 

Porn is one of those topics that can feel complicated pretty quickly. For some people, it’s a fun and healthy part of their sexuality, while for others it can bring up insecurity, conflict, or shame. For plenty of us, our relationship with porn falls somewhere in between.

A conversation about ethical porn talks about both sides of the screen and how to have a healthy, confident relationship with both. 

This means thinking about the consent, compensation, and well-being of the people making the content while also paying attention to what you choose to watch, how it makes you feel, and how it influences your own sexuality.

So, we’re going to treat this like the nuanced topic it is. This isn’t an argument for or against watching porn, but an invitation to think more intentionally about your relationship with it and having the agency to decide what that looks like for you. 

So, What Makes Porn Ethical?

If porn is something you enjoy, it's important to consider how it got on your screen. 

“Ethical porn” generally describes porn that was made with an emphasis on performers that consented to being filmed, have clear boundaries, are safe, fairly compensated, and are treated with respect. 

There are far too many sites with very scary and disrespectful histories that led the people on screen to having a bad experience. None of us want to support that type of work. So, a good way to avoid that is by seeking out studios that are transparent about their practices. 

Paying for porn, subscribing directly to creators, and seeking out studios that are transparent about their practices are all ways to watch more ethically.

 

Here are a few platforms deliberately trying to offer this kind of content:

 

Watch

CHEEX curates adult content with an emphasis on education, diversity, consent, and ethical production. Our founder Megan, is supportive of this brand and they gave a discount code for a free 7 day trial. Use the code MEGANMARIE, to try it for a week.

Erika Lust has built their film production company around sex-positive filmmaking, performer care, high quality films, and more varied representations of sexuality.

Listen

And if visual porn isn't really your thing, Quinn offers audio erotica built around stories, fantasies, and voices rather than bodies on a screen.

Read

If you like reading erotica, we love Aurore. Aurore publishes real life erotica stories, so you can read a super hot story knowing it actually happened. We actually love them so much that they gave a discount code for you. Use COMMON to get 10% off when you subscribe. 

 

There is a lot of erotic content out there. Being selective about it, is a very important and beautiful way to support ethical content being made. 

Expand What Sexy Can Look Like

One of the fun things about porn is that it can expand your sexual imagination. You might discover a fantasy you hadn't considered or a dynamic that unexpectedly turns you on.

What we watch gives us great material to explore our own desires, but it will also influence the way we imagine sex. So, it’s important to exercise some agency in what we choose to put in front of our eyes.

Seek out people who look like you and let yourself see your body represented as desirable, while also watching bodies and experiences different from your own that can expand your idea of what sexy can look like.

Choosing the kind of sex that feels exciting and empowering gives you more control over that influence rather than simply accepting a version of sex that you think you’re supposed to like or watch.

The opportunity is to choose rather than simply absorb. Notice what makes you feel excited, curious, confident, or inspired, as well as what makes you feel insecure or comparative, and let that be informative.

Let Porn Give You Ideas, Not Instructions

One of the really great things about porn is that it can introduce you to ideas you might have never thought of on your own, whether that's positions you want to try, toys to use, or a dynamic you didn't know you considered sexy.

It's also very normal to discover something that feels sexy to watch but isn't something you want to try. This is the important moment to tune into your own thoughts and notice what comes back to bed with you.

You may find yourself thinking, I want to try that, feeling more connected to what turns you on, or finding it easier to articulate your desires.

At other times, you might notice thoughts like, Should my body look like that? Should I be making more noise? Should we be having sex differently? Am I doing this wrong?

It’s very normal to experience thoughts like these when engaging with such intimate content, and the point is not to shame yourself or immediately stop watching if they come up. Instead, you can let those thoughts inform the choices you make about what you watch and how you engage with it.

This is where your side of the screen becomes very important, because you can notice the influence this content has on you and channel it toward what feels empowering and curious.

Figure Out What You Believe About Porn

Most of us had opinions about porn handed to us long before we ever had the chance to form our own. Those messages might have come from religion, family, school, previous relationships, politics, culture, or the very strange corners of the internet where many of us received our earliest sex education.

Maybe you learned that watching porn was shameful. Maybe that everyone watches it so no one should care or that it counts as cheating in a relationship. Whatever you were taught, it’s worth pulling those beliefs apart and asking: Do I actually believe this?

The answer might be yes, no, or maybe sometimes, and that’s kind of the point. You don't need to arrive at the most sexually liberated answer or prove that you're comfortable with something you're not.

You can love porn, dislike it, enjoy some kinds and want nothing to do with others, or change your mind as your relationship with your sexuality changes.

Your experience with porn belongs to you, and that experience can change with the seasons as fluidly as it needs to.

Make Porn Something You Can Talk About

Porn often plays a part in relationships and sometimes it feels tricky to talk about. 

If you and your partner want to talk about porn, start by exploring the question: What does porn actually mean to each of you?

Talking about it can be a surprisingly good way to learn about each other's sexuality by exploring what turns you on, what fantasies feel exciting, what you want to keep private, boundaries in your relationship, what would be fun to explore together, and what makes each of you feel respected.

And Yes, Sometimes Our Relationship With Porn Can Get Complicated

Being sex-positive doesn't mean pretending every relationship with porn is automatically healthy. Sometimes something that started as pleasurable stops feeling like much of a choice, and if porn use feels difficult to control or is interfering with your relationships or responsibilities, that's worth paying attention to.

If you start noticing this, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You can approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgment as you figure out what steps might feel helpful for you. That could mean talking to a partner or friend, setting some boundaries for yourself, talking to your therapist, or seeking out a qualified mental health or sexual health professional who can help you better understand your experience.

Part of having agency in our relationship with porn is being able to notice when something isn't working and adjust accordingly.

Watch What You Want With Intention

Building a relationship with porn that feels good for you starts by noticing what makes you feel curious, confident, connected, or turned on and talking to your partner about it.

There are two sides of the screen: who is on it and who is watching it. Ethical porn may start with the content on the screen, but it extends far beyond that and into our own intimate desires, internal dialogue, and experiences in the bedroom.

Understanding your relationship with porn can help you better understand your own desires and, hopefully, give you a little more freedom to enjoy your sexuality on your own terms.